The pace of everyday life is busy, the speed with which things happen and change, can catch us unaware at times. Sometimes we are so busy getting on with things that we don’t even notice or acknowledge what is happening to us. This can leave us feeling like we are walking through fog, feeling low or anxious and unable to control our thoughts and emotions. This can be really scary.
Maybe you know exactly when you started to feel this way. Perhaps you have experienced a bereavement of someone close, the breakdown of a relationship or divorce, your health has changed, children flying the nest, redundancy or retiring from work. Or maybe you just don’t have a clue. It’s been a gradual dip that you can’t seem to get on top of, despite trying all your usual ways of coping.
Loss, bereavement and change can come at us from so many different angles and often at a speed that we just weren’t prepared for. More often than not, it’s way beyond our control, which only adds to feelings of helplessness, hopelessness and shock.
It can feel as if the world is spinning out of control and has suddenly gone very dark, with little or no light at the end of the tunnel.
When we first experience change, loss or a bereavement, friends and family often rally round us. Gradually as the weeks pass others go back to thier daily routines and we can feel pressure to ‘get back to normal’, to ‘keep busy’ or to ‘stop dwelling’.
It sounds so easy but the reality is it’s a million miles away from easy!
Especially if you don’t know who you are now, if you don’t know what ‘normal’ looks like anymore, if you can’t concentrate enough to be busy and you really just want to talk about your life now and what you’ve lost.
Maybe friends and family are hurting too and you don’t want to add to their troubles. Perhaps you are feeling a sense of relief, which is bringing overpowering waves of guilt which you are embarrassed to share with people. Sometimes it can feel safer to keep quiet.
But keeping quiet will leave you feeling isolated, lost, angry and hurt. It can keep you stuck and cause you more harm than good.
Things may have changed many years ago but perhaps there wasn’t time to come to terms with what had happened, maybe life or practical things got in the way. Perhaps you did but something has happened recently and those familiar feelings have suddenly resurfaced and are leaving you feeling overwhelmed, as if you are right back to square one.
Are you are fed up of going round and round in circles and want things to feel different but you can’t quite bring yourself to take that next step and aren’t sure what’s stopping you, or you aren’t actually sure what to do and where to go from here.
I’m Sarah, a Counsellor, near Chorley, Lancashire. I can help you communicate where you are now, enabling you to think more clearly, to make decisions and begin to take positive steps in a way that is right for you now. Helping you to find a way through the loss, change or bereavement you have experienced.
I work with adults, young people and couples. You do not have to go through this alone, get in touch today.