Boarding School Therapy online and in Chorley, Lancashire

Did you or someone you care about go to boarding school? 

Boarding schools have long featured in children’s literature and films.  JK Rowling’s Harry Potter and Enid Blyton’s Mallory Towers instantly come to mind.  A world where boarding schools are portrayed as an adventure, full of mischief and midnight feasts.  

In our society, boarding schools are seen as a privilege. 

The combination of these powerful interpretations can make it difficult to acknowledge the whole story. 

And yet, there is more to the story.

Boarding school can leave a child with a deep sense of loss, confusion and anxiety which they carry with them into adulthood.    

Many people who start boarding school therapy have a deep rooted fear of being abandoned or rejected.  Perhaps you can relate.  

Maybe, you have a feeling of never being quite good enough or not really knowing what you really think or feel.  Eventually leading to pleasing others and overlooking your own needs. 

One of the ways children learn to survive at boarding school is to squash or suppress emotions, hiding even from themselves.  Cascading in later life to hiding your true self from the world and in particular within intimate relationships. 

You may recognise a chameleon-like side to yourself, adaptable in any circumstance or gathering but ultimately always hiding the real you. 

Boarding School Syndrome

You might be familiar with the work of Joy Schaverien, who first described boarding school syndrome, as a way to help us understand the often hidden trauma of boarding schools.  

Do any of the following resonate with you?

  • Do you find intimate relationships difficult?
  • Are you highly independent and competent but feel extremely uncomfortable asking for help?
  • Are you constantly busy; finding it difficult to relax or focus on just one thing?
  • Do you carry emotions like shame, guilt, anger or sadness but struggle to show them to anyone, or maybe even acknowledge them?

If any or most of these sound true for you, I want you to know that you are not alone.

It is not your fault.   

Above all, I want to share with you that it is possible to explore your experiences, begin to heal and make positive changes to your life. .

Imagine a life where you could…

  • Shed the fear of being left, abandoned or rejected
  • Feel less angry or irritable
  • Get rid of the feeling of needing to please others all the time, keeping your emotions, needs and desires hidden
  • Discover how to relax,  feel less anxious and not need to timetable your life constantly
  • Address unhelpful ways of coping like drinking or working too much

Build The Loving Relationships You’ve Always Wanted

Boarding School Therapy helps you rise above your challenges and start moving towards your ideal life with less  confusion and more confidence. 

You will start to gain the fresh perspective you need to change your behaviours and beliefs.   Gradually feeling safer in your relationships, with yourself, and with others. . 

You may be fearful or feel disloyal about talking about your childhood.   It’s not uncommon to have a sense of foreboding about ‘breaking the code’.  You might even feel ashamed of having emotions in the first place.   

Therapy can help you to overcome these blocks to speaking up, even if it’s just to yourself,  which is the first step towards healing.  

I’ve helped ex-boarders, their partners and families find a way to gently explore how growing up in a boarding school has impacted them.   To begin to connect with their emotions, recognise where patterns of behaviour have come from, and discover who they are now.  

To move from surviving to thriving.    

I’d really like this for you too. 

Meet Sarah

I’m Sarah and I’m a counsellor who also boarded from the age of 11.  Boarding runs in my family,  my Dad and Brother went away to school too.  Through my own therapy, I have been able to acknowledge the impact that my own experience of boarding has had on my life and find my own path to belonging and feeling whole.       

A combination of my own experience and clients who have boarded has inspired me to further my training in this area.  I have completed a Diploma in Specialist Psychotherapy with Ex-Boarders run by Nick Duffell, who I continue to learn from him on a regular basis.    

My invitation to you

I invite you to arrange an introductory call (either by phone or by zoom).   When you get in touch, either my assistant or I will be in touch to arrange a time for us to meet.   

Typically an introductory call lasts around 20 minutes, I will ask you about what has brought you to search for a therapist, what’s been happening for you recently and for a little background.  It’s really an opportunity for us to get to know each other, for you can ask any questions you might have and for us to see if the way that I work is a good fit for you.  

There is no obligation start therapy with me but if we do both feel that we would work well together and our diaries match up, we can arrange our first session together.