The Struggle of the Suitcase: Why Packing for Holidays Can Be Hard for Ex-Boarders 

Picture the scene.

Your partner and children are excited about the upcoming holiday. Everyone is chatting about what to pack. There’s a flurry of activity as favourite summer clothes are rediscovered and travel essentials are dug out from the back of cupboards. Perhaps your partner is one of those wonderfully organised people who starts packing a week in advance, with everything neatly laid out in the spare room.

But you don’t feel excited.

Instead, there’s a knot in the pit of your stomach that just won’t go away.

You can’t understand why. After all, you chose this holiday months ago because you were looking forward to it. You love travelling, spending time with family exploring new places and experiencing different cultures. So why does the thought of packing leave you feeling frozen?

You know you need to start, but somehow you just can’t bring yourself to.

Your partner becomes frustrated. Arguments begin. You feel guilty because you know this should be something enjoyable. Worst of all, you’re already dreading the fact that in a couple of weeks you’ll have to pack all over again for the journey home.

Or perhaps you’ve become so good at avoiding packing that you’ve convinced your partner they’re simply “better at it” than you are.

Does any of this sound familiar?

It certainly does to me.

I absolutely love travelling. I love discovering new places, exploring and going on adventures with family and friends. Yet for years, every holiday began with the same familiar battle with the suitcase.

I couldn’t bear to look at it and would put it off until the very last minute.  

I needed a detailed packing list. Then I’d find myself overwhelmed by emotions that made no sense in the context of a holiday I genuinely wanted to go on.   In the panic that gripped my body I’d end up forgetting things and adding things that weren’t on the list!  

Then one day, the penny dropped.

I’d spent most of my secondary school years packing.

Packing to go back to boarding school.

Packing to go home.

Going back to school followed the same rigid routine. There was a long list of required items, every piece of clothing carefully labelled with sewn-in name tapes. Everything had its designated place in my trunk, packed with military precision. It often took a week to prepare.

Going home was completely different. It was chaotic and frantic. Clothes, books and belongings were thrown into the trunk in a desperate rush. Friends would sit on the lid while we struggled to force it shut. The whole process took about half an hour.

Although the packing looked different each time, both journeys carried the same emotional weight.

Anxiety.

Loss.

Separation.

Uncertainty.

Fear of what was to come. 

As an adult, I realised I hadn’t left those feelings behind. My body still associated packing a suitcase with saying goodbye, losing my sense of safety and preparing for emotional upheaval, even though I was now packing for something I loved.

It reached the point where packing became such an ordeal that I almost stopped taking the trips I enjoyed most.

That was when I realised something had to change.

Today, I still use a packing list, the difference now is that it’s my list. It’s short, flexible and designed to help me rather than control me.

I pack the day before I travel because that’s what works for me and always with my favourite music playing in the background!

There are no forbidden items.

No inspections.

No name tapes sewn into every piece of clothing.

No one offering their opinion on whether I’ve packed correctly.

Most importantly, I’m choosing to go on an adventure.

Whenever I notice those familiar feelings beginning to surface, I pause and gently remind myself where I’m going and why. I remind myself that I’m not going back to boarding school.

Ever.

That simple reminder helps my mind and body recognise that this is a completely different journey.

Everyone’s experience will be different. You may discover that packing little and often works best, or that leaving it until the day before feels less overwhelming. You might find it helpful to create your own packing ritual or simplify the process as much as possible. 

The important thing is to notice what you are reacting to, rather than criticising yourself for finding something “simple” so difficult.

If you can, try explaining to the people around you why packing is so challenging. To someone who hasn’t experienced boarding school, your reaction may seem confusing. Helping them understand that this isn’t about being disorganised, unwilling or a sign that you don’t really want to go on holiday with them, can reduce misunderstandings and make the process feel much less lonely.

Many ex-boarders discover that seemingly ordinary parts of adult life, packing a suitcase, unpacking, saying goodbye, moving house, or even preparing for a new job, can unexpectedly trigger old boarding school survival patterns. These reactions often make perfect sense when we understand where they began.

Therapy can provide a place to gently explore these patterns with curiosity and compassion. Together, we can make sense of why certain situations feel so emotionally charged, understand how your boarding school experiences may still be influencing your life today, and help your mind and body learn that the past is no longer happening.

You don’t have to keep fighting the same invisible battles every time you open a suitcase.

If this article resonates with you, and you’re beginning to recognise the lasting impact that boarding school may have had on your life, I’d love to support you. Whether you’re struggling with anxiety, relationships, perfectionism, people-pleasing or the many hidden legacies of boarding school, therapy can help you understand yourself more deeply and create new ways of responding.

The suitcase may only be the beginning of the story.

Thanks for reading. 

Sarah x

About the Author

Sarah is an accredited Counsellor, based in the heart of Lancashire, near Chorley.  She offers therapy online and in person from her calm, comfortable and accessible room near Chorley.    Sarah works with adults who are curious to understand the impact of growing up in a boarding school environment may have had on them, both as a child and now as an adult.    She also works with couples and those in intimate relationships.  

If you would like to arrange an introductory call to see how we might work together, get in touch using the contact form or drop me an email on hello@sarahtinsleycounselling.co.uk